Imagine how gracefully you could move through life, minimizing negative emotions and always doing what is most powerful for you. That having been said, I blamed a friend recently in a manner that was pretty egregious, and I regret it. It’s not an instant decision, it’s a skill that develops (a slow process).
Blame doesn’t exist. Only the outcome exists.
What’s done is done, and from this point forward, it’s your responsibility to create the most positive result for yourself. See You Are Responsible for the Result or There Is Only the Result, And You Get It Anyway.
No, it isn’t easy. But it’s a skill that can develop.
No Fault or Blame For Yourself or Others
Without this, relationships and your personal life will contain unnecessary negatives. Blame is the opposite of love.
We all do the best we can at the time given the current limits of our awareness.
Therefore, the problem is never the person.
Instead, the problem is the lack of awareness (as Maya Angelou says, “If a person would know better, they would do better.”)
If you do not know a particular thing, should you fault yourself for that?
___ Yes ___ No
So, is “making anyone wrong” for not knowing something ever justified?
___ Yes ___ No
It is just physics:
Not knowing enough = insufficient knowledge to do something better
Not knowing better = the inability to do better
One cannot do better than one knows how. It is impossible.
One simply knows what one has learned so far; they can not know more.
Everybody—and I mean everybody—tries to do what he thinks will better his situation, and if he knew better he would do better!
Jesus even ascribed to this: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”
We all do the best we can at the time given the current limits of our awareness. The problem is the lack of awareness and no blame is ever necessary.
What Really Makes Us Happy
Our beliefs about what will make us happy are almost always incorrect by a substantial margin. Learn what actually makes us happy, as scientifically determined (based on actual facts and results.)
Low-Effect Happiness Producers
- Income increases
- Having “things”
- High accomplishments achieving
- Your childhood and its events
- Physical attractiveness
- Being “cool”
- Climate, personal environment
Note that happiness is not controlled by your childhood, your circumstances, your abilities, or your looks.
Minor-Effect Happiness Producers
- Rich social life
- Social intelligence by itself
Medium-Effect Happiness Producers
- Hope (and religion)
- Avoiding negative events and negative emotions (constructively)
High-Effect Happiness Producers
- Gratitude; loving what is, seeing what’s there instead of focusing on what’s not there
- Feeling good about oneself* (explained below)
- Confidence in my self handling the future
- The assessment that life is good.
- Using “signature strengths”, your talents.
- Exercising kindness
- Exercising compassion to others, self.
- Reviewing good memories
* And “Feeling good about myself” comes from:
- A feeling of control of one’s life situation, of competency in dealing with what comes up.
- Exercise of one’s abilities, aptitudes, competencies
- Feeling one is producing something of value for others, helping to contribute to others.
Note that all the “high creators” are under your control, while the items with little to no effect are not —yet that’s the group we uselessly spend much energy on stressing about.
The Strict Standard for Real Learning
- The test for real learning is when you are able to apply what you have learned and get the result of that learning, and you are able to repeat the result whenever you want.
- The only purpose and indicator of learning is results.
- Without the result, I have not learned.
- All other “learning” is just occupying time that could have been used to get the result.
3 Steps to Boost Your Learning
- "Systematic" learning (learning a "program") is better than "random" learning.Most people randomly learn concepts and then hope they fit together. Systematic learning eliminates wasted, random efforts. It’s faster and easier. Time efficient.
- Learning from a trusted source or expert is better than learning from a non-expert. Expert sources exponentially increase our rate of advancement. It is worth the time and money spent to find an expert source. Money we pay for expert sources is money well-spent, as it is the quickest, most effective path to the wisdom of life.
- Working with a partner such as a guide, consultant, teacher, or learning partner enables accountability and cheer-leading. (YOU, the reader of this website, are my partner. Thank you!)